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The Next Oprah Book Of The Month? Janet Jackson’s “Rythm Nation”

May 19, 2008

Perez Hilton’s got the news, ya’ll! The legendary Miss J. will be coming out with a book! No, not Miss Jay Alexander from ANTM. Silly! The original Miss J–as in JAN-ET JACK-SONNNN!!!!! (cue lights, platform in descent from rigging, and ear-to-mic units. lots of ear-to-mic units.)

As reported in the Lifeline Live blog over at USA Today, Janet “I have breasts and you need to learn to live with that” Jackson will be writing a book. About her life. I say this without any hint of irony (no, seriously dudes): of all the people in Hollywood only members of the Jackson family have the kind of material it takes to write about one’s life. All others are just wasting our precious time. So, unless your last name is Jackson or your brother dated Elizabeth Taylor, owned a monkey, and became friends with that cute kid from HOME ALONE all in the same decade…then back the eff off. We don’t need to hear it. Your life can tack itself onto the end of our long list of banned books; take your place behind the erasure, the book of celebrity “poetry”, cookbooks for restaurants and other wastes of paper and time.

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